In an attempt at a locally developed reality show, a TV station in Northern England sent a normal looking guy onto the street with a hidden camera. The man had a simple task: he approached attractive women and said, “Hi there. You look very interesting. Would you join me for a cup of coffee?” That was Script 1.

The next day he was given a different line of patter. “Sorry to bother you, but I’m going to a fancy dress ball on Saturday night and my partner and I just spilt up. I need someone to accompany me. Would you be interested?”

The results? Script 1: no phone numbers for 30 attempts (zero percent success). Script 2: thirteen phone numbers for 30 attempts (forty percent success). Why the difference? In Script 1, there’s absolutely no reason for a connection to develop. The approach is completely boring and uninviting, with no possibility of engaging the prospect. What possible reason would someone have for saying yes to a stranger who asks, “would you like to get a cup of coffee?” Script 1 is a complete turn-off.

But Script 2 worked amazingly well. Forty per cent of the attractive women approached were willing at least to give their phone numbers to a man they never met before. How come? First of all, it’s clear that no one would give out her number to a stranger if she didn’t want to meet someone. So we can assume the women involved were actually hoping to meet a new guy. Second, even though these women wanted to meet someone, they had standards. It’s hard to know what those standards might be, but its obvious that man needed to demonstrate some reason for the woman to consider taking a risk on him. Something enticing. The enticement was the ball invitation.

Sometimes a day seems to start off beautifully. A new prospect has a problem that you know absolutely cold. You carefully explain the situation. You gently lead the customer’s people into understanding your solution. When the time comes, you’re able make a terrific quote. Then (unbelievably) the client goes somewhere else, and you’re left pulling your hair. Aggh!

Later a friend mentions that he’s thinking about buying a digital camera. Perfect. Because after six months of painstaking research, you’ve just bought one. You tell him everything you know. Then he buys another (inferior) brand. Beginning to sound familiar? Another case: your teenager wants to get downtown for a concert, but she doesn’t know the way to the venue. You carefully tell her, but she’s not listening. You kindly point that out (Janice! Pay attention!) and repeat all the directions. Then, after all that, she still gets lost.

Is something strange going on here? Not really. We human beings simply don’t respond well to being told what to do, made to feel inadequate, or pressured to agree. Neurological research indicates that all those experiences trigger responses in the amygdala, the ancient reptilian area of our brains. When someone makes us feel foolish or inadequate or manipulated, neurons in the amygdala fire – and we get annoyed, or threatened or angry. Something similar happens if you recommend your products or services too soon or prematurely try to close a sale. The prospect feels pressured and he pulls back. It doesn’t matter how good the advice is, if the customer isn’t receptive he won’t hear it.